Ten Responses To “But Don’t You Get Jealous?”
We haven’t had a good poly based post in a while and I know for me trying and failing to start up a 2nd it’s always good to see how it works for others and take time to look at yourself. So one the questions i am asked a lot when i am looking on online dating sites is don’t you get jealous? Seeing your wife going out with someone else? And I normally find a way to explain it saying “yes but…” Now today I came across this great post by Research to be done and thought it was too good not to share. Here are my top 5 from the list check out the link at the bottom for the rest responses you could give to the question…
“But if your partner can have other partners, don’t you get jealous?”
- Of course.
- Yeah, but it’s not like I didn’t get jealous when I was in monogamous relationships. Monogamy isn’t a cure for jealousy, it’s just a different set of circumstances in which to experience it.
- Of course, but the same situations that sometimes cause jealousy can also teach me things about sex and relationships that I never would have learned otherwise. Maybe my partner has a kind of sex with one of their other partners that they’ve never had with me. On the one hand, something like that might end up making me feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, it also means I get an opportunity to learn how to do that kind of sex. Maybe my partner communicates with one of their other partners in a way I haven’t tried. On the one hand, that could make me feel insecure, but on the other, it gives me an opportunity to learn a new way to communicate, too.
- Yes, but I also open myself up to situations that can cause jealousy when I have friends who are friends with other people, when I have coworkers and project collaborators who work with other people, when I know writers who write and share writing ideas with other people. The thing is: although all of those situations open up the possibility that I might end up feeling jealous or inadequate or insecure, they also enrich my life in enormous ways that I would never in a million years trade away.
- Yes, and yes, sometimes it really bothers me. It also means I get more opportunities to face it head-on. The times when jealousy is really bad are the times when I am forced to examine where it comes from, and to learn about it, and, in the process, to learn about me.
Head on over to Research to be done and read the rest and also check out some more of there great stuff.
Author’s sidenote: every single one of these answers is true for me. The “I don’t get jealous” answer is not true for me, which is why it has not been included, although I readily knowledge that it is true for some people.
