New male birth control is 100% effective and lasts years

Ok where do i sign up, everyone throw away your condoms, there’s a new birth control for men with a 100% success rate. (Throw away your condoms after you get the procedure, Now remember those bits of latex weren’t just there to stop babies, STI’s ) A new procedure under clinical trials in India is turning out some very exciting results for the not-into-wearing-condoms-male community. (Kind of a large community.) The method works by injecting a polymer gel called Vasalgel into the penis, which then breaks apart the sperm before it can cause, you know, life. The downside: by injected, I mean injected, as in you have to get a needle straight into your jimmy for this to work. Is a small bit of dick-centric pain worth a decade of worry-free sex? (Assuming you haven’t forgotten about the existence of STDs.) That depends on your tolerance for dick pain and your love of barebacking.

Vasalgel, or RISUG (Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance) coats the inside walls of the vas deferens and kills sperm as they pass through. Think of it as a gel-based serial killer who helps people save hundreds of thousands of dollars and avoid TV shows like Dora The Explorer.

Because it’s easier to reverse than a vasectomy, this new birth-control option would be especially useful for men who know they don’t want children now, but could realistically change their minds within a few years. Hear that fellas? Indecisiveness is making a comeback! We can have our cake, eat it too, and then get Wendy’s afterwards! (This is America, after all.)

The procedure lasts about fifteen minutes and is effective for up to ten years. Researchers are planning for the Vasalgel injection to hit the markets by 2015, with clinical trials starting in 2012.

Come and get it boys, but don’t forget: a shot straight into your penis.

Needle. In. Penis.